Counting the Omer: Wednesday night, 11 May 2016/5 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Five of Week Three of the Omer.  That is Day Seventeen of the Omer.   The theme of the Week is Happiness.

The first step that I recommend in the process of reaching for Happiness, is to clarify the values that motivate you. 

Each one of us has needs and desires.  We often find it easy to articulate – at least to ourselves – what we want out of life, at least in basic terms.  We all want a measure of material prosperity, in order to enjoy certain things that would give us pleasure.  For one person, it’s travel; to have the means – and the time! – to take periodic trips to see with his or her own eyes the beautiful places our world has to offer.  Everybody who has the travel bug, has their own idea of the ‘perfect’ destination.  For one, it’s Southeast Asia.  For another, it’s India and perhaps, Nepal.  For another, it’s Europe.  For another, the great North American national parks.  (For many, all of the above!)  And of course, anybody who dreams of travel, probably dreams of accomplishing it to a particular standard of accommodation, food, and moving about…usually a high standard!

For another person, The Thing would be the perfect sports car, and the freedom to drive it at will.  For another, a sailing yacht.  For another, a lovely home in the hills with views of the Coast from their pool deck.  In terms of material accomplishments, what I like to call stuff, everybody has got some vision of what they’d like to have…and can articulate it.
          In relationships, women are more likely to be able to articulate what it is that they want from their partner.  Men tend to have only a generalised idea.  But men generally can better articulate what they want from their career.  They think long and hard about what kind of work they would like to do, why they would find it energising, how they would parlay that into a successful career, and what sort of financial gains they’d like to see.  In so many way, we find ourselves able to readily articulate what we want out of life in terms of the material and in terms of accomplishment.

But most of us would have a hard time articulating the values that motivate us.  And that, I believe, makes Happiness more difficult to attain.  As I’ve written, Happiness is something far deeper than fun, pleasure, or adventure.  It’s not success.  It’s an almost indescribable sense of wellbeing.  Of wholeness.  Of congruence.  Someone once described it to me as ‘being comfortable in one’s skin.’  And that makes sense to me.  How can you now be happy, if you’re uncomfortable in your own skin?  Since, although some might try mightily to overcome this limitation, we’re stuck with the skin we’re in.

And values are not the same as doctrinal statements.  So, for example, I most definitely subscribe to the notions that there is One G-d who created heaven and earth, and He expressed His will through the Torah, and He choose Abraham and his descendants to fulfil the Torah and bring it to humanity – all this for the purpose of filing the world with Goodness and defeating Evil.  That probably sounds like Judaism in a nutshell, and to be sure it is my way of expressing the essence of Judaism in a nutshell.  And from the starting point above I can probably construct a series of values, but by itself the statement isn’t really a values statement – it’s a doctrinal statement.

I’ll give you an example of a set of three values.  These are the Core Values of the US Air Force.  Service before self.  Integrity always.  Excellence in all we do.  Three concise statements that one can apply to everything one does in life.  I subscribe to them.  They aren’t the only possible formulation, not by a long shot.  But they certainly are one good example of a set of three attainable core values.  I can imagine how many hundreds of thousands of dollars the Air Force spent in the process of settling on those three Core Values:  money spent for consultants, focus groups, meetings with travel expense, literature to print up, and all the rest!  I’m not the one to judge whether it was taxpayers’ money well-spent!  But I can say that for me, and some others who were serving at the time that the service adopted these Core Values, they certainly ‘clicked!’  And I can tell you that ever since – and I’m eight years retired from the Air Force now – I look back at these three statements of values whenever I’m feeling rudderless…whenever life vagaries make me wonder if I’ve lost my way, or what.

You may be affiliated with some organisation which has articulated its Core Values, and if so, you may find them helpful or not.  But whatever our personal affiliations – or lack thereof – we all need to be able to articulate the basic values that motivate us.  That, when realised or at least when we’re working towards them, will make us feel in touch with our inner selves.  Feel congruent.  Feel integrated.  Feel whole.  Feel happy.

I therefore recommend that each person, if they cannot do so at this moment, engage in his or her own process of clarifying their personal Core Values.  I’ve given an example of a formulation of three, but the number three is not essential.  Probably much more than three would unnecessarily complicate not only the process of defining them, but also the process of living them.  So three is a good number at which to start, but you personally might be able to identify four…or only two.

I also recommend that each person, even if they are married or partnered for life, articulate his or her own.  If both halves of a couple each do the exercise and then compare their results, that would be a wonderful way to start and guide a conversation as to what things they share and do not share in life.  If partners do not share the same Core Values, that’s certainly not a death sentence to the relationship.  Rather, it might provide a measure of clarity as to why the two are in conflict more than they’d like to be.

And now, Dear Reader, I’m going to veer off the topic of Happiness for just a moment before signing off for today.  Well, sort of!

Today at sunset begins Yom Ha-atzma’ut:  Israel’s Independence Day.  Today the country celebrates her 68^th birthday.

The State of Israel presents a sort of paradox for many Jews today.  On one hand, it provides a focus for Jewish identity.  On the other hand, because Israel is so reviled – and unfairly – in the world, it presents to many Jews a conflict.  They want to support and take pride in Israel and her many accomplishments.  But against that is that many of their non-Jewish – and even Jewish! – neighbours, friends and associates see Israel in negative terms.

This is not going to segue into a Zionist pep talk, although I have to tell you that I’m a very unrepentant Zionist.  My message today is simply this:  when those around you condemn Israel, take their charges with a grain of salt.  Challenge them.  Do some reading, seeking out the positive as well at the negative.  But more than anything else, form connections with the Jewish State.  Haven’t travelled there yet?  It’s long past due.  Already been there on the Introductory Tour?  Go a second time, focusing on some other theme, or on just ‘being’ there.  Don’t have any Israeli family or friends?  Seek them out.  Find ways to combine a visit to Israel, with making contact with Israelis who share some interest with you.  Get to know them.

Israel is always interested in receiving new immigrants.  As small a country as she is, she’s got room for lots more!  But making Aliya – immigrating to Israel – is not the only way that a Jew in the diaspora can make a connection with Israel.  Even if one has not serious thoughts about quitting Australia, or America, or wherever, it is important to contextualise Israel within one’s Jewish identity.  For too many diaspora Jews, knowledge of Israel is superficial.

          For one’s own wholeness, for one’s own Happiness, every Jew should seek to clarify their relationship with Israel, the Jewish State.  And somehow, make her part of their Jewish life.