Today is Day Four of Week Two of the
Omer. That is Day Eleven of the
Omer. The theme of the Week is Relationships.
Yesterday I wrote about the problems
that follow when we, in our lack of self-awareness, are stuck seeing an
idealised version of ourselves…rather than the version that actually
exists. But this problem is not limited
to person-to-person relationships. It
also hampers the lives of organisations.
I’ll give an example that is close
to home. There is a certain Jewish
congregation I know of, which has struggled to find, and keep a Rabbi. It’s not that they can’t afford the salary
package. That hasn’t been the
issue. The problem is that, whenever
they find and employ a rabbi, the relationship with him or her sours in a year
or so – sometimes sooner! – and soon they are without a Rabbi again. They’ve chased away every Rabbi they’ve ever
had, except for one who tragically died in office, although when that Rabbi
became ill, she was also on the verge of being run out of town. And it’s not just Rabbis; they’ve managed to
chase away a President, a President-designate, members of their Board of
Management, and rank-and-file members.
Their local community is full of Jews who were once members of this
congregation. And yet, the congregation’s
members refuse to see that the congregation and its toxic culture is the
problem: not the Rabbis, Presidents,
Board members and others. The members
have an idealised view of themselves as a group. They see themselves as ‘friendly’ and
welcoming,’ not seeing that they resent newcomers and band together to exclude and
disparage them.
Now I get it why a religious
congregation would find it too terrible to see themselves for what they
are. In this case, their behavior is the
antithesis of the way a congregation should behave. If the members were not in denial about how
toxic they are as a group, they would probably have to agree en masse that
it would be best for them to disband. As
it is, the congregation in question is about ready to fade into oblivion
because of how they’ve chased people away over the years.
By the way, you may be reading this
and wanting to say, Aha! I know what
congregation he’s talking about! If
so, please put it out of your mind.
Because unfortunately these behaviors are fairly common to Jewish
congregations. Orthodox and
Progressive. I’m relating the true story
of one particular group, but the behaviors I’m describing are not limited to
this one group. In reality, and lest you
think I’m picking unfairly on Jewish groups, in comparing notes with clergy and
laity of other religions I find that they are fairly common in religious
communities of any faith. And if
you are reading this and are a secularist, lest you smirk to yourself and think
that religion beings out the worst in people, I’ve found that secular
organisations – from the local PTO to just about any kind of social or service organization
– are just as subject to the same kind of social rot. So it isn’t about Judaism, or about religion,
but about the way that people cling to organisations and use them to act out
their own insecurities and prejudices.
In other words, and this should come
as no surprise, the organisation’s culture mirrors the foibles of its
individual members, multiplied by the number of members.
This is why I harp again and again
on the negative ways that we relate to one another. They are destructive to person-to-person relationships
to be sure, but the effect is far greater.
Our inability to see the reality of what we are and how we behave, calls
into question our ability to band together for good causes. As we think hard about the responsibility
that comes with accepting the Torah, it is something that we must
confront. Difficult to be sure. But necessary.
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