Jewish Journeys Weekly E-Gram

Dear Friends,

I know that, when I’m sending the daily thoughts during this time of the Counting of the Omer, I have a tendency to forget to send the usual weekly ‘housekeeping’ e-mails for those who attend our group’s Shabbat and other events.  This e-mail, then if for that purpose…the daily thought will follow later!

          If you’ve been involved with our group, you already know that Clara and I are going to leave Australia at the end of June as our visas are expiring and we have not succeeded in creating a community with a critical mass to keep us here for a longer term.  We regret that we’re unable to stay and continue our work here, but life has been good to us here and elsewhere, and we want you to know that we don’t regret for a moment the time and energy that we’ve invested in working with you.  But go we must, and here’s the schedule of events for our time remaining.

          This weekend (3/4 June) is our last ‘regular’ Shabbat, with the Friday evening service and dinner at our home, and the Saturday morning service and lunch at Pamela and John’s.  Friday we’re cooking lamb.  But don’t worry, we’ll have plenty for the non-meat eaters to enjoy!  Just, if you’re thinking of bringing something, make sure that it has no dairy.  And of course, Saturday bring your own lunch to the Barbera’s – and of course, if will be supplemented by Pam’s goodies!

          Next weekend (Friday 10 June – Sunday 12 June), we’ll do thing a little different.  We’ll still have the Friday evening service at our home, followed by dinner. (We’ll be eating dairy – cheese-filled pasta – that night.)  But that Saturday (11 June) there will be no Shabbat morning service.  Instead, we’re inviting all to join us Sunday morning to observe the first day of the festival of Shavu’ot.  As it’s customary to eat dairy on Shavu’ot, we invite you to bring your dairy creations, savoury or sweet, with you.

          The next two Shabbatot – 17/18 24/25 – we’ll be meeting for both the Friday evening and Saturday morning services at the Barbera’s.  Saturday morning, 25 June, is the last Shabbat service we’ll celebrate with you in person.  Details of the arrangements for food for those two weekends will be forthcoming.

          Several people have enquired about organising some kind of farewell party.  We want to forestall such talk.  The only fitting farewell for us, will be to see people continue to come to services and join together as a community.  So, the only happiness you can give us to come to each and every service we’ll share together until our departure.  There might be a few private dinners with a few people in our final days, but as far as group gatherings are concerned – we already have them.

          I have been working the technology side, and G-d willing we will be able to offer a Shabbat morning service even after our departure, thanks to Skype.  In a way, this provides the advantage that our friends who don’t live conveniently on the Gold Coast will be able to plug in remotely and thereby attend worship more often than now.  If this describes you, please don’t forget to talk to me about this before we go.  But if you’re on the Gold Coast, and able to get to the Barbera’s we would prefer that you join the services there, as they’ll continue after my departure.

Thanks for the part you have played in our community and will continue to play as we adjust to new realities...

Rabbi Don 

Counting the Omer: Tuesday Night, 31 May 2016/24 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Four of Week Six of the Omer.  That is Thirty-eight Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

I’ve been addressing the issue of religion, and how it can impact positively on one’s Happiness and even longevity.  Today, I’m going to address the connection between religion and mental health.  I do so with some trepidation; I freely admit that, whilst I do have some training in counselling and in the various schools of counselling and therapy, I am essentially an educated layman where it comes to clinical, mental health.  Nevertheless, I have read some interesting findings recently, and they do fit in with what I’ve been asserting over the last few days:  that religious involvement is a factor that can help lead one to positive outcomes in life.  And I’m not at all addressing the theological implications of being religious against being secular; that’s an entirely different argument to make, and whilst it is a valid argument it’s not how I wish to address the subject here.  Since I’ve been writing about Happiness for the past few weeks, and specifically behaviours and lifestyles that can help lead to Happiness in life, I want to address religion as one more tool, so to speak, that one can use in seeking to find Happiness and wholeness.  In other words, I am addressing religion strictly from a pragmatic angle here.

          I think that it is important to add the following caveat to the case I’ve been making for being religious.  It needs to be a positive and supportive form of religion.  I’m not going to give a list of what religions I think are ‘good’ in this respect and which are not.  It’s probably self-evident that I consider Judaism – at least the forms of it that I know! – to be in the former column.  But it certainly isn’t the only one in that column!  But all religion is not created equal.  It would be counter-intuitive for me to deny that there are instances of various religion – Judaism included! – that exhibit characteristics that would be unhelpful pragmatically.  Negative religious beliefs – that G-d is punishing or abandoning you – have been linked to harmful outcomes such as depression and unhappiness.

"If people have a loving, kind perception of God," and feel God is supportive, they seem to experience benefits, said Kenneth Pargament, a professor of psychology and an expert on religion and health at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. But "we know that there's a darker side to spirituality," Pargament said. "If you tend to see God as punitive, threatening or unreliable, then that's not very helpful" to your health, he said.

Studies on the brains of religious people tend to show activity in the areas that support good states of mind, the would help inhibit negative mental states.  That’s why, whilst I am not qualified to treat people with mental illness and I would never consider religious faith or practice to be a substitute for valid modes of treatment, I feel confident to say that religion – if it is positive and affirming and practiced in the midst of a supportive community – is an important element in finding peace with mental illness.  The tragedy is, that those who would benefit in this respect, often avoid religious involvement because of fear or judgement by members of the community.  The fear is real and its understandable, but the reality is that any and every religious community has many individuals who suffer from different forms of mental illness.

I know I’m late completing this evening’s installment, so I’ll conclude here and get this posted!

Counting the Omer: Monday Night, 30 May 2016/23 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Three of Week Six of the Omer.  That is Thirty-seven Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          Two days ago, I cited one of a raft of studies done in recent years, that conclude that the more one is involved in religious life, the Happier one is likely to be.  The specific study I cited, done by the Austin Institute of Family and Culture with its finding released in 2014, showed a significant, direct relationship between increased religious participation and increased Happiness.  A number of other studies have reached similar conclusions.  The exact causality cannot be pinned down by the research done to date, but the correlation is undeniable.

          This is, of course counter to a popular image of religious people as dour, judgmental, and joyless.  Now I’m not contesting that there are dour, judgmental, and joyless religious people out there, but my anecdotal experience suggests that secular people are more likely to be dour, judgmental, and joyless, than religious people.  And I’m not talking just about Jews; thanks to my experience on the religious divide, I can say with confidence that the more religion/more Happiness correlation holds for people in virtually all the religious traditions, whose adherents I’ve encountered.

          But if greater likelihood of happiness is not enough of a motivator to be more religious, maybe this is:  religious people live longer.

          This, as concluded this year after a 16-year study of American women by the Harvard School of Public Health.  Although the study might seem limited in scope because it only included middle aged to elderly professional women, the number of subjects examined – some 75,000 – makes its results relatively immune to anomalies.

          What did the study find?  Those who attended religious services regularly (~once a week) died during the survey period at a rate of 33% less than those who did not.  In particular, the religious women were 27% less likely to die of cardiovascular disease, and 21% from cancer.  The survey did not show that the religious women were less likely to get cardiovascular disease of cancer, which they got at rates that were not significantly different from those of the non-religious women.  The difference was in the likelihood of death from the conditions in question.

          Once again the data do not prove causality, the only correlate the two factors:  religiosity and mortality.  But the differences in death rates, and the size of the population studied, suggest that there is a clear relationship between the two.

          Our chances of living to a ripe old age are not a factor that most of us consider when deciding how religious a life we’re going to live.  But perhaps it should figure into our decisions.

Counting the Omer: Sunday Night, 29 May 2016/22 Iyar 5776

D-Day, 6 June 1944.  A time of great valour.

Today is Day Two of Week Six of the Omer.  That is Thirty-six Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          Monday – tomorrow – is Memorial Day in the USA.  I don’t let its Australian-Commonwealth parallel, Remembrance Day, or its Israeli equivalent, Yom Hazikaron, go by without a comment.  I therefore think it is fitting to detour a bit from my current train of thought regarding religion and happiness.  But in reality, it isn’t much of a detour.  Because for most of us, remembrance of those who have gone on before us can be a source of happiness.  Allow me to explain.

          American Memorial Day remembers, of course, those who died in defence of our freedom – or of somebody else’s.  Because the USA, more than any other nation on earth in this century and the last one, has stood up for the rights of other peoples, and offered the blood of our own sons and daughters to help overthrow tyrannous regimes and cast of the yokes of terror organisations throughout the world.  And this, since 1974, with an all-volunteer force.  When I hear criticism of America for, for example, a supposed ‘Islamophobia,’ I want to cry because I remember how our forces were dispatched to places like Somalia, and Bosnia, and Kuwait, Afghanistan, and Iraq to rout evils regimes that were destroying the lives of Muslim people.  And many of those young Americans, volunteers, did not come home or came home broken and battered in various ways.

          So when Memorial Day approaches, I think of the cost of freedom and my only regret for my country is that we were unable to do more.

          As I’ve said, Happiness is not how good you feel or how much stuff you have to enjoy.  It’s something far deeper.  It depends on one’s life having meaning.  And recognising the good that one has accomplished.  And celebrating it.  It is therefore, Happiness-inducing to remember the heroes of one’s nation, and to honour them on the special days that our countries have designated.

          Remembrance is really a factor in religion; in observing religious days of obligation and festivals, we remember the exploits of those who preceded us.  Remembering civil heroes is the equivalent of remembering religious heroes.  In reality, one could say the same about one’s ‘personal heroes’ – the forebears of your family who have gone before you, who literally gave you life, and raised you to be the person you are.  We celebrate the lives of those who gave us so much.  I obviously don’t mean in wild party-like abandon; ‘celebration’ can also be reverent!  The Jewish tradition commands that we celebrate.  It provides a framework for mourning, but that process is understood to be cathartic and of limited duration:  a year for a parent, a month for another close relative.  It’s not that we’re supposed to forget after the prescribed period; we are, however commanded to return to the business of life and Happiness.

          We don’t usually make and automatic association between remembrance and Happiness.  But in reality the former should lead to the latter.  Remember, and be Happy.

Counting the Omer: Saturday Night, 28 May 2016/21 Iyar 5776

No my table, but same idea; Jews all over are doing Shabbat!

Today is Day One of Week Six of the Omer.  That is Thirty-six Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          A few weeks ago, I participated in a ‘Harmony Day’ event at Griffith University, here on the Gold Coast.  My part was to be a member of a multi-faith panel discussing the subject ‘How Religious Faith Fosters Harmony’ (how’s that for a no-brainer?) in society.  I was happy to participate; since my day as a US Air Force Chaplain, I’ve always considered the interfaith beat to be an important part of my home turf.  Even now, almost eight years after retiring from that career, I enjoy such participation from time to time.

          After the forum, there was some light refreshment served at the university’s chaplain’s office.  I never got to the refreshments.  Instead, I was talking for some time with a young man, a student at Griffith, who approached me full of questions about Judaism.

          I am used to fielding questions after a public presentation.  But usually, they’re from a member of some other religion who had learnt something he didn’t know before about Judaism from my talk, something that resonated with him as a Christian or whatever, and he wanted more information and references for further study.  In this case, the young man was not a religious believer himself but was searching for some spiritual connection.

          I find that most seekers of the millennial generation, are not seeking affiliation with a religion.  They’re seeking ‘spirituality’ of an amorphous kind, outside of some institutionalised religion.  I don’t fault them for this, given all the scandals that have come out of institutionalised religion!  I think that today, where belonging to a religious community is considered so optional, where one can easily live one’s life without the community that it provides – instead drawing one’s community from other mutual-interest groups.  One student whom I taught in a couple of courses at Colorado College some years back put it this way:  Spirituality is considered ‘cool’; religion is considered passé.  I get this, and I certainly don’t fault those of the millennial or any other generation who try to find a spiritual uplift without involvement in an organised religion.  If I did, it would be – in my opinion – akin to complaining because someone told me they feel an uplift from listening to Beethoven.  If you read my blog post from a few days back, about music and happiness, you know I would never think that way!

          So this young man was adrift in the spiritual world, not having been raised in any religion, even nominally.  But unlike many of his cohort, he intuited that what he was seeking, was to be found within a religious faith with all of its trappings of text, law, and ritual.  He just didn’t know which religious faith.  I gave him my contact details and invited him to get in touch if and when he might be interested in a Jewish experience.  And I told him that nobody would ‘twist his arm’ to get him to commit to becoming a Jew.  We don’t do that; we’re happy to help those who are motivated from within to join us, but the initiative had to come from them.

          The young man did, after a number of weeks, ultimately visit us for a Shabbat evening.  But his quest got me to thinking; is an organised religion, specifically Judaism, superior to an amorphous spirituality, at least in terms of Happiness?  A raft of research studies suggests that, generally speaking, religious involvement is superior in that regard.  For example, I’ll cite one completed by the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture, in Austin, Texas, USA, in 2014.  The study surveyed more than 15,000 Americans between the ages of 18 and 60.  Of those who reported no involvement in religion, 28 percent considered themselves ‘very happy.’  Of those who reported ‘occasional’ involvement, 33 percent considered themselves ‘very happy.’  Of those who reported ‘frequent’ involvement, 45 percent considered themselves ‘very happy.’  Now I don’t know about you, but I think that 28 percent to 33 percent to 45 percent is a very significant jump.  And this is just one of several such studies; other projects by other think tanks and by universities show similar results.

          Some in the academic world tend to pooh-pooh such findings.  They complain that the data show some correlation but not causality.  The subjects in the particular survey I cited, were not challenged on their self-assessments as to whether they were Very Unhappy, Somewhat Unhappy, Neither Unhappy nor Happy, Somewhat Happy, or Very Happy.  The subjects were not given specific definitions as to what each one of those points on the scale means.  And religion being a multi-layered phenomenon, it is difficult to tell exactly what it is within religious involvement that contributes to happiness.  Is it the structure of standards?  The comforting ritual?  Or those closeness of the community that religion fosters?

          To that, I say:  All of the above.  I can think of how each one of the elements mentioned, could and would engender Happiness.  And I don’t think it matters.  The point is that people seek a number of things in religion:  structure, order, meaning, community, and Happiness.  And – wonder of wonders!  - sometimes they find such things…sometimes all of the above.

          I’m writing this as the sun sets on a lovely Shabbat.  We began in our home last night, with a dozen or so including ourselves, for a relaxing and evoking service of prayer and song.  And then we all sat down to a delicious and relaxed dinner.  Then, this morning, we gathered at the home of a member of our community for the morning service, also about a dozen of us.  Again, it was a lovely interlude of prayer and song, and I offered a few thoughts on the weekly Torah reading.  Then we sat down for another relaxed meal with interesting conversation and a little more singing and praise at the end.  Clara and I returned home at two in the afternoon; I read for half an hour then fell asleep for a nap.  Now it’s dark again, Shabbat is over, we feel refreshed and can now face the coming week and whatever it may bring.  It doesn’t matter which of the elements of religion that gave us this sense of well-being, this sense of Happiness.  Only that it did.  A good week to all!

Counting the Omer: Friday Night, 27 May 2016/20 Iyar 5776

Just whipped into a frenzy, or truly Happy?  A group of
Evangelical Christian at a Charismatic prayer service.

Today is Day Seven of Week Five of the Omer.  That is Thirty-five Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          For the last few weeks, I’ve been writing about Happiness:  specifically, the importance of attaining it, and the tips I’ve found helpful in reaching for it.  Just as a craftsman needs a box of tools specific to accomplish the job he has in front of him, those who are reaching for Happiness have available to them a box full of tools that will all help in accomplishing the job.

          Yesterday, I began offering my thesis that religion is an important tool to have in one’s box.  Of course, there are many different religions in the world, in all sorts of variations.  I cannot speak for all of them, and I’m not going to offer you some kind of cultural relativism that asserts that all religions are created equal.  My perspective is, of course, Judaism.  But what ‘kind’ of Judaism?  People ask me that all the time:  What ‘kind’ of Jew are you?   Sometimes they ask, because I just don’t fit their stereotype as to how a particular ‘kind’ of Jew thinks, or acts.  I find that people tend to get frustrated when they can’t put you in a specific box.  But I’m not trying to be unkind to people if I defy definition sometimes.  I’m only trying to be true to myself.  So you may be asking, What kind of Judaism are you talking about, when you say that it can help bring you Happiness?  If so, my answer is:  The kind of Judaism that works for you.  I have enough exposure to most kinds of Judaism, that I have had the opportunity to see Happy people in all of them:  from the most traditional to the most radical.

          I’ve also had the opportunity, because of my years as a chaplain and my work in interfaith dialogue, to see firsthand the positive effects of different religions – other than Judaism – on their adherents.  So whilst I don’t know enough about each and every religion to offer specifics on how they spread Happiness, I’ve been privileged to see enough to where I can generalise about how religion, as a phenomenon, is overwhelmingly positive in that it brings people meaning and joy-inspiring celebration of life’s moments.  Even when looking at other religions whose beliefs and/or practices we might personally find bizarre or troubling, we can allow ourselves to see their positive effects.

          I can’t say that I’ve always thought this way.  I have a liberal education, a university education, and I’ve been exposed to the same anti-religion bias that you have.  Looking back, it’s amazing how the supposedly ‘unbiased’ education we receive turns out looking more like an indoctrination to specific orthodoxies that hold sway among the ‘educated’ classes.

          When you think about it, it’s amazing that anybody at all has time for religion.  Again and again, in film and literature the religious person is caricatured as an unthinkingly slavish follower of anti-rational orthodoxy and who is out of step with all the by-comparison heroic characters around him.  This is why Christians flocked to see Mel Gibson’s 2004 film, The Passion of the Christ.  As a Jew, I found the film appalling for a number of reasons – utterly forgettable except for the stir it caused.  And the stir, for committed Christians, was about that a wealthy and (then-) popular Hollywood actor-producer had made a film offering a serious look at the Christian faith story, this despite that the rest of Hollywood wanted no part of it.  I still think it was an awful film, but that knowledge gives one the context to understand why its release was an important cinematic event for some.

          Of course, religion – or perhaps more specifically, the power that religion holds over its adherents – can be a dangerous force.  How can one not be aware of the great amount of misery that religion has spread over the centuries?  It’s silly to be in denial about it.  On the other hand, looking at the twentieth century, it’s hard not to see that most of the evil that ran amok during that hundred years’ time was not religiously-inspired but rather a result of secular, anti-religious movements.  I’m thinking specifically about German National Socialism, which was at its heart a movement to recapture a pre-Christian world of Nordic myth; and of course Communism which sought to obliterate all traces of religion in its path.  It’s true that today, the force that seems to be bringing the most evil into the world is religious:  Radical Islam.  But I also think that at least part of the success that Radical Islam had enjoyed in creating enclaves in the Western World, is attributable to the rootlessness of Western Civilisation where religion has been greatly marginalised.

          Where religion is concerned, my recommendation is that we stop looking at the great movements afoot in the world and ask ourselves:  What makes me happy?  And I can tell you that, for me, when I share a celebration of the entrance of the Sabbath, as I will in a few hours, I am happy.  There are limited occasions when Clara and I miss offering a specific Jewish response to the arrival of Shabbat.  And when we do, we miss it.  It isn’t a burden at all to take the specific steps necessary to greet the Sabbath-Bride; it brings great joy.

          Therefore, over the next days I’m going to be making the case for religion – specifically Judaism but one could probably apply some of it to other religious faiths – being a very important tool for the person seeking to increase his or her Happiness!  Shabbat shalom! 

Counting the Omer: Thursday Night, 26 May 2016/19 Iyar 5776

Young Mormon missionaries after my heart - playing music!
(Yup, yup...that's a ukulele in the hands of the one on the right!)

Today is Day Six of Week Five of the Omer.  That is Thirty-four Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          Now that Lag Ba-Omer is past, we’re on the final stretch of the period of the Counting of the Omer.  I’m still writing about Happiness.  Starting tonight and for the next few days, I’d like to write about the connection between Happiness and religion.  Of course I’m writing from a Jewish perspective, but I’m also writing from the assumption that much of what I’ll say can be applied to most religions.  My thesis, in brief, is that religion is another tool to reach for as we strive to attain Happiness.  And it’s a very good tool, with a track record of helping people find happiness.

          Much of the world acts as if the opposite were true; they run from religion as if it were a force endeavouring to rob them of whatever Happiness they might already possess.  Some of that attitude is justified, whilst some is illogical.  Allow me to explain.

          There is no question that religious people, as a whole, are not immune to bad behaviour.  I need not offer specifics, but everybody can recount at least some of the scandals that have been perpetrated by the purveyors of religion.  There are more than a handful of clergy, not to mention religiously-devout lay people in prisons – and probably many more who belong in prison but because of the silence that protects them in religious circles, are living free.  That level of scoundrel aside, every religious person seems to have at least one story from their personal experience, of religious people behaving badly, specifically within the framework of religious institutions.  As I like to say:  Religion brings out the best and the worst in people.  And that’s very unfortunate.  The first part of the equation, bring out the best, is certainly expected.  But when I admit that it also brings out the worst in some, I have no pleasure in acknowledging it.  And I get no schadenfreude when I learn that representatives of other people’s religions behave badly.  It is extremely unfortunate that people cannot point to religious people in general and say:  I want to be like them.

          So many people who avoid religion altogether, point to these badly-behaving religious people as their reason for distancing themselves.  And as I said above, on one level I cannot blame them.  If religion cannot bring out the best in people whilst leaving aside the worst – then one can easily make a case for not needing it.

          But here’s the irrational side of the argument; one simply cannot make the case that non-religious people are less likely to behave badly.  So, iff religion in general or one particular religion is teaching things that resonate with you, by avoiding religious people you’re not any more likely to avoid bad behaviour.  The best that can be said, is that you will avoid getting embroiled in the organisational squabbles that unfortunately abound in religious life.  But guess what?  Such squabbles abound just as much in organisational life that has nothing to do with religion.  So the only way to avoid them altogether, is to eschew organisations altogether.  Some people do, but others find no substitute for organisations for finding people with interests similar to their own.

          So the worst that can be said of religion, is that it does not seem to succeed in overcoming some peoples’ tendency to treat one another poorly.  That any given religious group does not somehow inspire all its members to behave according to certain norms.  Maybe I can explain at least some of that.  And look, I’m not giving religion a pass, but I do think some context is important.

          Religious communities, and I think this is across-the-board for all religions represented in our society, struggle to package themselves in a way that makes them seem relevant to the younger generations, in particular the millennials, for whom religious affiliation is simply not a given.  So really all religions, or at least certain sectors in each religion, have deliberately lowered the bar with regards to what they expect of their members.  I certainly see it in Judaism of the Reform/Progressive type.  In truth, I also see it in at least parts of the Orthodox community as well.  Some days it seems that the entire religious establishment is struggling to make attendance and belonging ‘less of an ordeal’ to get the millennial generation sold on making religion part of their lives.  In our congregations, we clergy are told in no uncertain terms:  Don’t challenge us.  Make us feel good.  And yet, just getting people in the door is a very big challenge.

          But here’s the paradox – or perhaps, it isn’t really a paradox.  The specific religions that require the most of their members, that set the bar high, are the ones that are thriving.  The example that most readily comes to mind is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, AKA the Mormons.  Of all the Christian, or nominally Christian sects, the Mormons probably expect the most discipline from their members:  in terms of lifestyle and volunteering in the church and creating strong homes.  They teach abstinence not only from alcohol and drugs, but from coffee and other caffeinated drinks, for goodness’ sake!  And a preponderance of their children give themselves to a two-year stint as a missionary for the church, putting any other ambitions on hold.  And there are no professional clergy and other church functionaries; everything is done by educated lay people, who still have to earn a living and raise their kids.  One would think that people would avoid the Mormon Church like the plague as being too difficult a walk – but it’s one of the fastest-growing religious denominations, bar none.

          Other religious sects that require the most of their adherents are also flourishing at a time when more and more people have little time for religion.  For example, in Judaism we were once ready to offer a funeral service for Orthodox Judaism.  But now it is the only Jewish sector that is experiencing growth.  And the sectors within Orthodox Judaism that are growing are – you guessed it, those advocating the most intensive regimen of various disciplines.

          It’s probably easy to dismiss all this.  Some people just need structure.  Give them a complex set of requirements, and they’ll find meaning in all the rules.  But to dismiss the most challenging religious sects as experiencing success simply because they provide direction in a world that general lacks standards, really misses the point.  These religions succeed in energising their memberships, because we all really get it, at a gut level, that life was ‘t meant to be easy.  So, in selling a religious path as ‘easy,’ we religious leaders are simply setting ourselves up to be thought of as not serious.  Those seeking a serious encounter with G-d, are going to look elsewhere.  I’ve seen this time and again.

          But, assuming that all this is true, what does that have to do with Happiness?  Well, Dear Reader, you’ll have to stay tuned for me to make the case.  But trust me, I will!

Counting the Omer: Wednesday Night, 25 May 2016/18 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Five of Week Five of the Omer.  That is Thirty-three Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          With the sunset today began the minor festival of LaG Ba-Omer. ‘LaG’ stands for the number 33:  Lamed equals 30, and Gimel equals 3.  It occurs on the 18^th day of the month of Iyar.

          On the 18^th of Iyar, according to tradition, Rabbi Shim’on bar Yochai, a scholar of the second century and a disciple of Rabbi Akiva, revealed the Zohar, the Book of Splendour, which is the most important book of Jewish mysticism.  In Israel, thousands make a pilgrimage to the gravesite of bar Yochai, which is on Mount Meiron, in northern Israel just opposite the mystics’ city of Tzefat (Safed).

          There is also a tradition, according to Meiri, a 13^th century sage, that a plague struck Rabbi Akiva’s students during the period of the Omer.  24,000 were killed.  The cause of the plague was that the students ‘were disrespecting one another.’  Meiri writes that the plague stopped on the 33^rd day of the Omer.  For this reason, given the importance of Akiva among the sages, many Jews observe the first 32 days of the Omer as a period of mourning.  On the 33^rd day, LaG Ba-Omer, the mourning ends.  It is permissible to celebrate and party, to drink to excess, to marry, and to get a haircut.

          Outside of Israel and very traditional communities, Lag Ba-Omer tends to pass largely unnoticed.  We always celebrate it by having a barbeque and a relaxed evening with friends, as we did this evening.

Counting the Omer: Tuesday Night, 24 May 2016/18 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Four of Week Five of the Omer.  That is Thirty-two Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          Anybody who knows me, knows that music plays a constant part in everything I do.  In my work as a Rabbi, I focus on the musical aspect of religious ceremony as an important element in setting the mood that I seek within my group.  I’m actually not exceptional amongst my Progressive colleagues in this way; certainly in American Reform Judaism there is a tendency among Rabbis to play guitar and to incorporate the musical style that the instrument engenders, into their religious services.  Okay, in my case it’s ukulele!  I used to use a guitar, and the first time I led a tour to Israel I picked up a ukulele because I wanted to lead singing in the tour bus, and I couldn’t imagine negotiating the aisle of a motor coach with a guitar.  The ukulele worked just fine.  Afterwards, I found myself playing uke more and more to where I hardly played the guitar anymore.

          People either love or hate that I’m a ukulele-playing Rabbi.  Some people respond positively because the uke is so cute and delightful.  One woman in my congregation in Colorado told me:  When you pick up the uke, there’s a big smile on your face, and we find it infectious.  And some people respond negatively, because they don’t see the uke as a ‘real’ instrument, rather as a plaything.  And then there is the third group:  the traditionalists, for whom the use of any musical instrument in religious worship just doesn’t seem right.

          I’ve incorporated music, and specifically the ukulele, in just about everything I do in my rabbinate.  I use it in the regular weekly Shabbat services, and I vary the tunes for various parts of the service based on my moods.  When someone in the congregation has a special occasion, I sometimes offer a special song:  Debbie Friedman’s Tefilat Haderech is somebody is going away on a long trip; Craig Taubman’s Sh’ma Beni for a baby-naming or even a bar/bat mitzvah; Taubman’s Journey for somebody moving away permanently.  I’ve used This is the Moment for weddings.  I even do music at funerals on request.  One woman asked me to sing Side by Side for her husband’s funeral.  A man requested G-d is Great, Beer is Good, People are Crazy for his wife’s funeral.  I have to tell you – that was the strangest musical request I’ve ever fulfilled.  But it worked.

          My notoriety for singing and playing music goes beyond the congregations I’ve served.  When my son, Eyal was born three months premature, I used to sit in the Newborn ICU and sing to him.  A year after we took him home, my daughter was born, also premature, and she too did a stint in the NICU.  The day after her birth, Clara and I went to see her in the hospital and immediately opened her charts.  In the care notes were the warnings:  the child’s mother is an RN and will expect detailed briefings every day.  The father likes to sing.

          Music is, in effect, the soundtrack of our lives.  Whenever I listen to an ‘oldies’ station which plays music that was popular in my formative years, the sounds of the various songs take me back to the experiences I had in those years.  I know that I’m not alone in this.  When I hear a song that I remember from the 70’s when I was in high school, it takes me back.  The first time that I heard Madonna sing Spanish Lullaby, I happened to be on a beach in Southern Spain; now whenever I hear the song, I can close my eyes and be transported back to that same beach.  I can see it – and even smell the salty air and the coconut butter that the Spaniards slathered on their lithe bodies.

          There is much research that shows a correlation between listening to music, and Happiness.  In fact, neurological research shows that even in children as young as five months respond positively, the brain receptors associated with Happiness becoming active, when the child is exposed to music.  Anecdotal evidence makes the correlation even younger, even in utero.  And we all know that we can create the kind of electricity that we desire, between individuals, with music helping.  How many seductions involved playing jut the ‘right’ music, calculated to set the mood?  C’mon guys, ‘fess up; how many have put that Bolero disc in the machine when that special lady came over to your pad??!

          So of course, certain kinds of music work better than others for setting the desired mood.  Music that is harsh and cacophonous is unlikely to soothe the savage soul.  But most of us, whilst favouring one or two types of music, cn enjoy various genres of music.

          Music is one of the easiest path to Happiness.  A life filled with music cannot help being a Happier life. 

Counting the Omer: Monday Night, 23 May 2016/17 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Three of Week Five of the Omer.  That is Thirty-one Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          An experience yesterday and today prompts me to write about discourse, about the way that we discuss issues.  I know that I have already addressed the topic of the way that we communicate on social media – meaning, essentially, Facebook – and how it is calculated to make us miserable rather than Happy.  But I’d like to return to the subject, because it illustrates the point that I wish to make today.

          A Facebook friend posted a link to an article on the Jewish Telegraphic Agency website, about how Jewish Americans should be worried – very worried – because the candidacy of Donald Trump for President of the US has increased the amount of blatant Anti-Semitic speech in the public square.

          Okay, you who are right now rolling your eyes and thinking:  Not Trump again!  This is not a blog post about Mr. Trump.  It’s about the way that we carry on discourse!  It just happens that a friend’s post about Trump occasioned the illustration I’m going to use.  Now, stop hyper-ventilating and relax!

          So my friend posed the question:  as Jews, how do we feel about the Anti-Semitic Tweets by Trump ‘supporters’ that have been occasioned by criticism of Trump and his family by Jewish voices?  It sounded like an honest and thoughtful question from a man whom I’ve come to see as honest and thoughtful.  So I responded.  I posted that I feel some consternation over the tone of these Tweets, just as I feel consternation over Tweets from the Left, from supporters of other candidates.  I wrote that I didn’t think the problem is Trump, but what passes for discourse today.  We take negative labels:  Anti-Semite, Racist, Islamophobe, Homophobe, Misogynist.  And we invoke them in response to something we disagree with, never mind that it doesn’t fit the description.  But we hurl these labels, because in a world where ‘discourse’ means the firing of salvos at one another, we’ve lost the tools for making rational and thoughtful cases for what we support.  For example:  in today’s public square, anybody who doesn’t support state sanction of same-sex unions as ‘marriage’ (and no other nomenclature will do), will be called a ‘Homophobe.’  Now it may well be, that any given member of the population who doesn’t think two men or two women should be defined as a ‘married couple,’ could very well be a ‘Homophobe.’  But to assume they are, is a false premise.  So the problem is that the word ‘Homophobe,’ because it is thrown around so freely, has no meaning any more.  Ditto the terms Anti-Semite, racist, Islamophobe, Misogynist, et cetera.  All these terms are used to label people who have given no particular indication that that’s, in fact, what they are.  So what happens is that when one encounters someone who actually is a Homophobe, Islamophobe, et cetera, and calls him or her out for it, it means absolutely nothing.

          Well!  You should have seen the vehemence of the responses!  Of course Trump is an Anti-Semite!  Poor benighted Don is just blinded by his allegiance to the Republican Party, to see this self-evident Truth!  It was funny in a way, because I think I can count the times in my life that I’ve voted Republican, on the fingers of one hand.  At least, in a national election.  So when I asked for some documentary evidence that Trump is an Anti-Semite, nobody could provide it; instead they filled my newsfeed with opinion pieces that were negative of the New York businessman but offered no evidence of Anti-Semitism.

This is the pitfall of public discourse today.  And the anger that goes along with the hurling of the epithets Homophobe, Islamophobe, Anti-Semite et al, conspires to keep us from being Happy.  Think about it.  If I’m going to react to something said by, for example, Donald Trump by hurling the label, Anti-Semite, then I am almost by definition (unless I’m simply using the term to be chutzpadik; see yesterday’s post!) being angry.  I’m getting hot under the collar.  My blood pressure is rising.  I’m craving a Prozac.  How could I possibly be Happy??!

          Isn’t it self-evident that, iff we feel led to engage in discourse of any kind, that we should do so from a rational and reasonable mindset?  And not out of anger, throwing epithets and labels and getting ourselves completely out-of-kilter?  I think it is.  Want to be happy?  Maybe it’s best to avoid political discourse altogether.  But it isn’t only politics that evokes this anger today.  Increasingly, it’s just about anything and everything.  So a better strategy is…don’t get angry when you discuss it!  And one way to keep from going down that path, is to avoid using labels that are calculated to turn the conversation angry.  I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who hurls such words around loosely and is even remotely Happy.  Think about it.  A good day, all!

Counting the Omer: Sunday Night, 22 May 2016/16 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Two of Week Five of the Omer.  That is Thirty Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

          Sometimes, I get really good input from people who have read my blog.  Today’s entry is thanks to such input from Rachael, a friend and member of our group here on the Gold Coast.  In talking about Happiness, Rachael suggested that chutzpah is an important tool for one seeking happiness.

          Yeah, I hear you!  Chutzpah??!  (I’m not sure why I’m rendering it in italics; it has become an acceptable word in the English language.)  What does chutzpah have to do with Happiness??!  And you know, I briefly thought the same thing when Rachael said it.  Very briefly.  And then I saw it.  Let me explain.

          Chutzpah is a difficult term to translate exactly.  It means Gall, Nerve, or Cheek.  How about ‘Brazen Effrontery’?  But all those translations don’t really do it justice.  Leo Rosten, in The Joy of Yiddish, defined it as:  that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan.  In terms of part of speech, chutzpah is a noun, referring to this quality that I’m trying to describe.  The person who has chutzpah is called, in Hebrew, a chutzpan.  The equivalent Yiddish term might sound more familiar:  chutzpadik.

          Chutzpah is a characteristic often considered to be emblematic of Jews.  To translate that into English:  people often see Jews as being chutzpadik.  And there’s more than a little truth to that.  Jews generally don’t mind being cheeky.  We expect it of one another.  But there’s something more to it.

          A long time ago, I lived in Turkey for a year.  It was my last full day in the country, and I wanted to spend my remaining Turkish Lira since it would be absolutely worthless anywhere else.  So I was shopping on a commercial street in Istanbul, shopping not out of need as much for fun.  But I happened to need a white dress shirt, so I wandered into a men’s clothing store.  Remember, I’d lived in this country for a year; therefore, I had plenty of experience in the art of bargaining for goods. (Interestingly, Pazar means ‘marketplace’ in Turkish.  Pazarlik means the act of negotiating a price.  So even linguistically, to the Turks bargaining is an essential part of shopping!)  Anyway, I was in this men’s shop trying hard to get the price of the shirt down to what I wanted to pay for it.  I was using the Turkish language.  All of a sudden, the shopkeeper addressed me in English:  This price is fair.  I’m not a thief, I’m a Jew!  I looked at him and broke out laughing.  Ben de Yehudi, I said, meaning:  I am also a Jew.  We had a good laugh together and I bought the shirt.  I don’t remember whether it was for my price or his.  It didn’t matter.  It was just play money, after all!

          What I’m trying to say, is that chutzpah is above all, playful.  When we use chutzpah, it’s a sign that we don’t take ourselves too seriously.  I don’t know about you, but one characteristic that annoys me to no end in people – Jewish or otherwise – is when they take themselves too seriously!  Hashem doesn’t take us too seriously!  How do I know this?  It’s self-evident!  How could He have created us the way we are, if He took us as seriously as we sometimes take ourselves?

          There’s actually a delightful Midrash on this.  After Hashem created man, the angels came to Him to complain what a mess He’d made in doing so.  They brought to G-d all the complaints they had about this man, and they were many.  It would have been better if You hadn’t created him, they said accusingly.  And Hashem, in response, shrugged his shoulders (as it were) and said:  You’re right!  I shouldn’t have created him!  But I did, so we’re stuck with him!  (Okay, this is a paraphrase…but I think it conveys the essence of the Midrash!)

          When somebody displays chutzpah, I take it as a sign of playfulness.  Of self-depreciating humour.  As a sign of someone who can laugh at himself and others.  We Jews have a well-deserved reputation for our ability to laugh at ourselves and others.  Jews have virtually invented a number of popular styles of comedy, wit, and sarcasm.  We are famous, as a group, for not taking ourselves too seriously.  And that, Dear Reader, is an important key to Happiness.  You have to learn to laugh at yourself and at others!  An excess of seriousness leads to fatalism.  Someone who is fatalistic cannot possibly be happy.  Excessively serious people are prone to mental illness, not Happiness.

          Let me quote Bobby McFerrin – not a Jew as far as I know, but expressing sentiment that every Jew should embrace:  Don’t worry, be happy!  If we can’t allow ourselves to be playful, to be chutzpadik, to come on strong with one another in a delightful way, then we cannot be Happy.

Counting the Omer: Saturday Night, 21 May 2016/15 Iyar 5776

Followers of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov celebrate
Rosh Hashanah in Uman, Ukraine

Today is Day One of Week Five of the Omer.  That is Twenty-nine Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

It’s hard to believe that we’re entering the fifth week of the Counting of the Omer!  The time has simply flown by.  This week, beginning on Wednesday Evening, we celebrate LaG Ba-Omer, the 33^rd Day of the Omer.  But more of that in Wednesday night’s installment of the blog.  For now, I’d just like to invite you to join us at 5.00PM on Wednesday night, to observe this holiday with a casual gathering at our home in Southport.  Bring your own meat, fish, or veggies – something to grill on the barbeque – and a little extra to share.  We’ll provide the rest:  chips, salad, desert and drinks.  We’ll have a brief evening service, dinner, and good conversation.  A great way to celebrate Lag Ba-Omer on ‘Hump Day.’

I didn’t really plan to keep writing about Happiness this long, but there you go!  Oh, I’m sure somebody out there who is grousing:  What’s with that Rabbi Don??!  Why doesn’t he write about something Jewish?  Well, if you’re out there, know that there isn’t any subject more profoundly Jewish, than that of Happiness.

When Jews greet one another on or close to Pesach, they frequently wish one another a Kosher Pesach.  But on any other occasion – be it a communal celebration or a personal milestone – they wish one another Happiness.  When I first got my driving licence as a teenager, what did various relatives say?  Drive in safety and happiness.  When I got married, what did they say?  Enjoy your bride and be happy together.  When Clara and I announced her pregnancies, what did they say?  May the baby be healthy and bring you much happiness.  Nobody wished me a kosher car, a kosher wedding, a kosher baby.  Does that mean that they didn’t hope for those things? (What’s a kosher car?  One that will refuse to start from sundown Friday ‘till sundown Saturday?  Who knows?)  Of course not; everything being kosher – that is, ‘fit’ – is a given desideratum. But Jews are not obsessed with it – at least, not the Jews I know.  What they are obsessed with – if you want to call it an obsession! – is Happiness.  Every event in life should only bring us Happiness and joy; everything else is just details.

Many other religions have an ascetic side.  I’m reminded of this whenever I participate in some kind of interfaith forum.  Various forms of Christianity, Islam, Baha’i, Buddhism, Hinduism…they all teach some form of asceticism as the ideal way of life, to be striven towards at least at certain times and seasons.  There is no parallel in Judaism.  The closest thing is the law of the Nazir, one who has taken a vow of holiness.  Nobody takes Nazirite vows anymore.  But even in ancient Israel, one who would undertake such a vow was looked at askance.  Like something was wrong with him.  And therefore Nazirite vows were allowed, but discouraged.  And had to be for a specific period of time, not a lifetime self-imposition.  There is no Jewish ideal in a life of self-denial.  There is no virtue in it.

Look at the Jews that one might consider the ‘most passionate’ ones, the Hassidim.  There’s not a trace of asceticism in them.  They marry, they reproduce (oh, do they ever reproduce!), they drink (to excess, at times), they dance in wild abandon.  They joke and prank one another.  They celebrate a life of ecstatic joy.  And they seek deveikut – oneness – with Hashem through all this.

No, there’s no more Jewish subject than Happiness.  Anybody who thinks otherwise, hasn’t a clue.  Anybody who thinks there’s something more important in Jewish life, simply doesn’t know what they’re talking about.  Yes, keeping kosher is important.  So is joining with the congregation to observe and celebrate the sacred moments of Jewish life.  So is study of Torah and keeping G-d’s mitzvoth.  But nothing in life is more important, or more mandatory, than being Happy.  A good week, all!

Counting the Omer: Friday Night, 20 May 2016/14 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Seven of Week Four of the Omer.  That is Twenty-eight Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

You know what a ‘straw man’ is, don’t you?  It’s a rhetorical device, an argument one makes solely for the purpose of knocking it down – of contradicting it.  With what I’m going to write today, some readers might think that I’m showing that yesterday’s blog post was nothing more than a straw man.  Because yesterday, I argued that work is essential for Happiness.  And today, I’m going to make the case that leisure is essential for Happiness.

Yesterday, I confessed to having been something of a ‘workaholic’ for much of my adult life.  One of my bosses in the US Air Force chaplaincy once wrote about me in an annual OPR (Officer’s Performance Report):  The Rabbi likes a full plate.  And I did fill my plate often to overflowing, readily taking on programs and duties that other chaplains would only take under duress.  Because, as a Jewish chaplain I would never have a large congregational role, I readily took on duties where I was able to have an impact on the greater military community.  For example, in one assignment I gave dozens of briefings to those returning from combat zone deployments, on re-establishing intimacy at home.  Several years after retiring, I was waiting for a routine medical appointment, and one of the enlisted technicians working in the Air Force clinic came up and asked me:  Aren’t you the ‘Love Rabbi’ from Ramstein?  He had attended one of my briefings in Ramstein, upon returning from his deployment, and somehow remembered it and the Rabbi who had given it.  I had a ‘notoriety’ for my willingness to take on issues that other chaplains preferred to leave to someone else.  And that kept me very busy.

Since my retirement from the military, I’ve learned to slow down a bit.  To consider carefully before I take on some new venture or program.  To leave more time for more contemplative and creative activities.  To enjoy a little downtime now and then.  It hasn’t always been an easy transition.  But it has taught me the importance of leisure.

Nowadays, people talk a lot about the challenge of maintaining a ‘work-life balance.’  In other words, there’s more to life than just work, and we can’t leave it to chance.  Leisure is not just something that comes suddenly when the work is finished.  Sometimes, it is necessary for work to take a back seat to other activities.  Especially when there is someone else – or someones else – who are depending on time and relationship with you.  For me as for others, to internalise and put this into effect in my life was a challenge.

   It’s important that we have activities outside of work that we enjoy.  That we look forward to doing, to filling the time that we are able to make for them.  Because most of us will eventually retire from our work.  And when we do, we will need activities to give us a reason to get out of bed in the morning, to get dressed and get out of the house.

My father z”l, neglected this part of retirement planning.  This is very common; for most, ‘retirement planning’ consists entirely of organising one’s finances to ensure viability in retirement.  But retirement counsellors will tell you that it’s also – perhaps equally – important to plan for how you’re going to spend your time in retirement, to keep your outlook positive and your self-image intact.  My father, like many, worried only about the financial consequences of retiring and as a result, as soon as he retired his world shrank radically.  In a calling where I interact with many retired people, I find this a very common pitfall.  Especially among ‘young’ retirees, or those in good physical health, it is important to have activities outside the home that give one’s life meaning.  But many fail to plan for this, thinking that once they have time, they’ll naturally fill it with meaningful activities. 

Clara and I spent a few hours last weekend with a couple we have known for a few years, a couple who are perhaps a decade younger than us.  But we had never been in their home, in their ‘natural habitat.’  We knew them as having enjoyed success in a number of ventures over the years.  And as having pleasant, off-beat personalities.  But only in spending an afternoon at their home, did we really get a sense of who they are, and of how successfully they have navigated this ‘work-life balance’ equation.  Their business is thriving.  But they are not so ambitious as to be unwilling to sometimes turn business away, when they see work as threatening to encroach too deeply into their leisure time, their time together.  They seem to have internalised the message that nobody, on their death bed, has ever said that they wished they’d spent more time at the office.  Rather, one is likely to regret not spending time doing enjoyable activities with those who matter most in life.  We were impressed, and heartened to get to know a delightful couple who are hard-working, ambitious, but not overly so.  A couple who has managed to achieve some balance in life.

So my message today should not be seen as a contradiction of what I wrote yesterday!  But there is no contradiction.  Work is important.  Apart from giving us the financial wherewithal to live, it gives us purpose in life.  But it should not completely dominate our time and energies.  It is important to take time for other activities, especially those that can be done with our partner and children.  Time passed much too quickly, and we cannot leave this to chance. 

Rabbi Tarfon expressed this so well, as recorded in Mishna Avot, Chapter 2.  In Mishna 15, he states:  The day is short.  There is much work to be done.  The Master is insistent.  Each one of us has a mission in life, and it calls out to us with an imperative that must be answered.  But the same Rabbi Tarfon, in Mishna 16, tempers his call:  It is not up to you to finish the work, but you are not free to avoid it.  In other words, we don’t have to apply ourselves with the mindset that, but for me, it won’t get done.  What we’re able to accomplish, we should accomplish.  But we don’t have to devote ourselves exclusively to work.  Whatever we don’t finish, someone else will take over.

Get away from the office or shop, and enjoy!