Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Counting the Omer: Tuesday Night, 7 June 2016/2 Sivan 5776

Today is Day Four of Week Seven of the Omer.  That is Forty-six Days of the Omer.  The Theme is:  Seven Principles

The first three of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, which I presented to you over the last three days, are intended to help you achieve independence.  We can overcome the negative habits that we’ve built up over a lifetime, and replace them with the positive habits Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, and Put First things First.  If we can adopt these three habits, we can begin to take control of our lives and feel far less as if we’re caught in a relentlessly-rushing stream of helplessness from which we cannot extract ourselves.
Starting tonight, I’d like to present Habits four through six, which are geared toward developing interdependence.  Very few are the endeavours in life that one can enter into and accomplish without working successfully with others.  We are social animals, and we need to have others in our lives.  It is fine – and actually, quite healthy for most of us – to seek solitude from time to time.  I’m an introvert, and people of this personality type need solitude to recharge after they’ve been drained by being around others.  But to creat a life where one is absolutely independent is not good or healthy. 
Tonight’s Habit is:  Think win-win.  When trying to settle on a course of action that involves others, it is normal that different members of the group find themselves being pulled in different directions.  There are sometimes situations where the various choices are mutually exclusive.  But in most situations, it is possible to find a way where the various parties get satisfaction.  The mindset of trying to find such solutions, is called win-win.
There is a mindset that in every disagreement one side must win and the other must lose.  This is a result of a mindset that is called ‘zero-sum thinking.’  It is a common pitfall.  In most cases, a mindset of Win-win will find a way that all parties can get at least part of what they seek.  And if the effort is made, they can realise the most important elements.
Zero-sum thinking says that everything I gain, is at someone else’s expense.  In other words, in any situation there are a fixed amount of resources – whether money, time, human capital, whatever – and the pie that can be sliced between competing interests is of a fixed size.
An example of Zero-sum thinking is in economics.  Say I succeed wildly in business and make a lot of money.  There’s nobody who should think that I’ve made my money at their expense.  There is not a constant supply of money in the economy; it is fluid and increases as people produce goods and services that others wish to purchase.  So, expect perhaps for those producing and selling a product that directly competes with mine, nobody should think that I, in making a large amount of money, have prevented someone else from doing so.  Usually the opposite is true:  when one person makes money, he spends it on other peoples’ good and services and creates wealth to build a demand for things in the marketplace.  But there are many people who have a Zero-sum mindset; if I earn a million dollars (halvai!), they think that’s a million less for other people to earn.  But economics simply doesn’t work like that.
People adopt Zero-sum thinking to just about every area of life.  Think Win-win is its antithesis.  Think Win-win is a mindset that starts on the assumption that there are enough resources to fulfil everybody’s needs.  The challenge is, within the framework of a group and its efforts, to find a way to make it so.

Think Win-win says that there is enough for everybody, we just need to have a broad enough vision to find a way to achieve enough as a group to satisfy everyone.  Think Win-win is a patently optimistic way of looking at life.  It starts from a assumption that satisfying everyone is desirable, and possible.  The person who Thinks Win-win will never be a ‘cheapskate’; he will always be generous with others, because he knows that whatever he has, he can always get more.  It’s just a matter of finding the way.
There are limits times when Zero-sum is a reality.  For example, in an election for a specific office:  several candidates are running, but only one wins.  On the other hand, the winner might coopt the talents of his opponent(s) by offering a position in his administration.  It is a common consequence.  Look, the loser didn't get the office they sought but they didn't necessarily have to be vanquished from public life.
In this sesne, even competitions that are superficially Zero-sum can be turned into Win-win situations.  As I said, it's all in the mindset.

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