Counting the Omer: Thursday Night, 2 June 2016/26 Iyar 5776

Today is Day Six of Week Six of the Omer.  That is Forty-one Days of the Omer.  The Theme continues to be Happiness.

Yesterday I wrote about how pets – our animal companions – can help to increase our Happiness in a number of ways.  Sometimes, when I talk to people about pets, especially dogs, I ask them exactly what is it about their pet that draws them to it.  And I usually get the same answer:  unconditional love.  Pets, but especially dogs, are loyal to a fault.  They love their humans:  it seems, unconditionally.  When you neglect them, they show no anger or disappointment.  They just seem to try harder to please.  When you’re feeling down or unwell, they seem to sense it and the pour on the love even thicker.  They’re never too busy, or too pre-occupied, or too tired to notice.

Human companions generally compare poorly, because our love for one another is not unconditional.  Except, perhaps, mothers.  Even the most giving human being will ultimately wear out if they do not feel their love is reciprocated.  Not so an animal.

The reality is that an animal, even the smartest of animals, is in many ways like a perpetual child.  Like an eternal two-year-old.  A two-year-old loves unconditionally.  It is a sign of maturity when a person begins to love discretionally.  Those who cling to their animals because the unconditionality of their love is enduring, probably don’t themselves love others unconditionally. 

In reality, to love unconditionally is not a virtue – unless we’re talking about loving your child.  If we love unconditionally, then those whom we love will come to take our love for granted.  It is a sign of maturity when we learn to love with a certain amount of discretion.  If you expect to be loved, you must, yourself, give love.  Love is, as the songsays, a two-way street.  And you cannot be expected to give love long after you’re realised that your love is not reciprocated.  To love in that way is obsession, not love.  It is unreasonable to expect unconditional love, and it is dangerous to your emotional health to love unconditionally.

What animal companions evoke in us, then, is a pining for childhood, its simplicity, its innocence, and its lack of accountability.  And we know what it’s called when a grown man insists on clinging to childhood.  It’s called ‘the Peter Pan Syndrome.’  And it isn’t a compliment to say that someone is afflicted with it. (I don’t know if there’s a female equivalent of the nomenclature.  But I can tell you that I’ve encountered a woman or two who was in the throes of the ‘disease.’)

And that’s the but in my assessment of animals as bringing us Happiness.  They can and do, for all the reasons I stated yesterday.  But we should not allow them to make us wish for a return to childhood.  We cannot turn back the clock, and if we could, it would not be a good thing.  Enjoy your pets’ love, and love them back, but remember that adult love comes with responsibility.  Learn to love in a way that is not unconditional, and you'll be on your way to Happiness.