Drash for Rosh Hashanah Morning

Remember this icon?  The Mrlboro Man was supposed to
offer a Romantic Picture of Independence.

Seven Habits of Highly Effective Jews

Step One:  From Dependence to Independence

(Part Two)

Rabbi Don Levy

Last night, I introduced the theme of the series of drashot I’ll be presenting for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.  And the theme is based on the book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr Stephen R Covey.  Although this book has been around for a while, it is still highly acclaimed.  Some would call it the best business or self-help book ever published.  When I first read it back in the 1990’s I found it life-changing.  I continually look back at the Seven Habits and use the principles it taught me.  It has helped me immeasurably.  It is my hope that, by presenting them to you in the form of these drashot, I will open your eyes to seven tools you can use in your life.  Perhaps you may feel led to read the book.  Or even take one of the seminars based on the book.  And see if it doesn’t change your life, for the better, also.

          As I said last night, the first three Habits are intended to take us from dependence to independence.  This is our primary task in our young adulthood.  But that doesn’t mean that we necessarily emerge from that period of our lives independent.  Independence eludes many of us throughout our lives.  Each one of us knows someone who never outgrew dependence.  And let’s be honest; a life that is unnecessarily dependent is a sad life.  Most of us know someone who has experienced a degree of independence and then reverted, usually because of some debilitating illness, to dependence.   And if we do, we know the sense of loss that person felt at losing their independence.  There are those who, becoming infirm to the point of losing their independence, wish to exit this life.  To comment on this is beyond the scope of this talk, but suffice it to say that most who lose their independence have a great sense of loss.

There are those who never outgrow dependence.  For example, people with severe disabilities that will prevent them from ever achieving an independent life.  Many of the disabled, if given the right kind of help, can achieve a degree of independence.  But for the able-bodied to remain dependent all their lives is nothing less than a tragedy.  It is a waste of potential.

Last night I asserted that none of us is really able to achieve independence.  Not in total.  It is neither possible, nor desirable.  But there is virtue in achieving a degree of independence.  A state of complete dependence is possible, and each one of us was, at the beginning of our lives, in such a state.  Complete independence, in contrast is probably not possible.  Neither is perfection.  But the impossibility of achieving total perfection, does not absolve us from aiming towards it.  Similarly, we aim toward independence even if we cannot achieve it totally.    It is therefore never too late to listen to and heed the wisdom contained in the first Three Habits.  And they are:  Be Proactive.  Begin with the end in mind.  Put First Things First.

          I’ve spoken before on the need to be proactive.  So if you happened to hear that drash, please bear with me.  Pro-active is the opposite of re-active.  Many of us, when we hear the term, think that it means to anticipate needs coming up.  This, rather than reacting to needs after they’ve presented themselves.  But this only tells part of the story.

          What Covey meant when he coined the term ‘proactive,’ is to act according to values.  It should be our values that underlie all our independent action.  That is, all action, over which we have at least some control.  One way that we enable ourselves to act according to our values, is when we anticipate needs and act in prospect.  By accomplishing some task that we know is coming down the pike, something that we know we’re ultimately going to have to do, we can act according to our values.  When we don’t anticipate it, then we are in danger of not being able to apply our values to the action.  When we’re constantly re-acting, we’ve got little control.  We feel frustrated and overloaded.  We are ruled by our emotions, and mostly negative emotions.

          We should not fear or suppress emotions.  Our ability to experience and express emotions is what makes us human.  When we meet someone who cannot express emotion, we justifiably find ourselves repelled by that person.  The ‘coldness’ of the emotionless person frightens us, as well it should.  Even if our transaction with him is strictly business.  How many emotionally ‘flat’ people are successful salesmen?  Not many.  In any human interaction, not matter how superficial, we like to feel that there’s an emotional meeting ground.

          So being Proactive, while it means acting according to our values, does not imply an emotionless life.  But until we master our emotions to where we act according to values, we have no control over our destinies.  We have little effectiveness.  This, because our emotions are controlling our actions.

          The second habit, Begin with the End in Mind means to tailor your activities and actions specifically towards the end you desire.  Often when we start out on a new venture, we have not pre-thought out our desired outcome.  If we did not, we are decreasing the likelihood of our success.

          Did you ever just get in the car and go for a drive as opposed to setting out for a specific destination?  I’ve done it.  In California, they refer to the practice as ‘cruising.’  The word implies that the journey is more important than the destination.  That’s why a sea or river trip aboard a ship is often called a ‘cruise.’  It emphasises that the journey, not the destination, is the key.

          But it doesn’t mean that the destination doesn’t matter.  The joy of the journey is an emphasis, a focus.  But I would suggest that few of us get in the car without knowing where we’re going.  In this day and age, with the price of petrol as high as it is, just driving around aimlessly is an expensive pastime.  Most of us set out for our Sunday drive knowing exactly where we are going.  Enjoying the drive as much as, or even more than the destination is not often the goal.  Rather, it is a by-product of a mindset that enjoys the experience of being out on the road, seeing the countryside constantly unfold before you.  Having a destination in mind, does not negate the joy of the journey.

          To expand on the metaphor, we sometimes refer to life itself as a journey.  We’ve all been told to enjoy the journey and not just see it as an obstacle that we must cross en route to the destination.  In other words, life goals should not be our sole focus.  If we only focus on the goal, we’re in danger of allowing our lives to pass without really noticing many moments of transcendence.  We will miss out on much joy along the way.  But that doesn’t call the practice of goal-setting into question.  It just means that we must keep all things in perspective.

          A boat must have a rudder.  It’s true that, if you lose your rudder, you can use the set of your sails to steer the boat.  Or in the case of a motorboat, you can use the relative power levels of the two engines.  Iff the boat has two engines, and two props.  But even where it is possible to steer a boat without a rudder in an emergency, that is not an efficient way to steer a boat.  And if you do not steer the boat at all, you’ll just go in circles.  Try it some time.

So, to go on the journey without a goal, without a destination in mind, is like driving a boat without touching the tiller or the helm.  Being open to changes in course along the way is not a bad thing.  You never know what unanticipated destinations might be suddenly within your reach.  You never know when the course you’ve carefully charted, may be blocked by a storm.  For the joy of the spontaneous, or for the safety of not risking the unanticipated danger, it is good to be open to changing course.  But if you don’t have a course planned at all, chances are you won’t go anywhere.

For me, Temple Shalom is one of those unanticipated destinations.  I didn’t set out to work in Australia.  I thought I would spend the rest of my working life in Colorado.  But a chain of events and consequences led to Clara and me coming here.  Had we not been open and flexible, we wouldn’t be here.

So keeping the end in mind doesn’t mean that we go through life closed-minded, relentlessly pursuing goals we’ve made no matter what might come up.  It does not mean we should be overly rigid.  But it does mean that goals are important.  If we don’t know where we’re going, we risk wasting our time.  Wasting our lives.  We condemn ourselves to ineffectiveness.

          The third habit is Put First Things First.  This means to prioritise wisely.  Most of us wake up each morning knowing that we’ve got a number of things we need to accomplish that day.  And yet, when we organise our efforts for the day, we often start by spending time doing unproductive things.  Why?  Why don’t we first focus our energies toward those things which are most important?

          Often, the answer lies in ease.  The things that are less important, are something the easier things to do.

          I’m not talking about the tactic of tackling smaller tasks first.  That is a perfectly valid tactic in organising our work.  When we feel overwhelmed by the number of things we must accomplish, we can energise ourselves by tackling several smaller tasks and therefore see our to-do list shrink.  If we start a day with ten things to do, there is psychological benefit in taking care of something relatively easy and therefore seeing our list shrink to nine outstanding items.  And then we can tackle a second ‘small’ item and, voila!  There are only eight things left to do!  But first tackling the smaller, easier-to-accomplish tasks is not the same as ignoring essential tasks altogether and spending time doing things that matter very little if at all.  We often waste incredible amounts of time doing tasks that are relatively unimportant, things which absorb large amounts of our time and energy.  The ultimate result is not accomplishing any number of things that are more important.

          An example of this is social media.  Some of us spend large amounts of time chatting, or reading and responding to posts, on Facebook and other sites.  Please, don’t think me a Facebook fuddy-duddy.  I have an account and I enjoy using it to keep up with the people.  It’s a wonderful tool for staying in touch!  But many of us, if we’re honest with ourselves, spend so much time on Facebook and other sites that we don’t get important things done.

          Social media is not the only time-waster in our lives.  But it is an important time-waster for many people I know.  How do you know if it is for you?  Here’s a challenge.  Each morning when you wake up, spend a few minutes visualising all the things you need to accomplish that day.  Then complete the essential morning tasks:  washing, dressing, breakfast.  None of these are a waste of time.  Then, when you finish these, note the time on the clock.  An hour later, ask yourself:  what have I accomplished?  Did I cross off anything from my to-do list?  If you’ve just spent an hour on Facebook and haven’t yet accomplished a single one of your tasks for the day, then maybe it’s time to re-order your priorities.

          Be Proactive.  Begin with the End in Mind.  Put First Things First.  It sounds pretty simple.  And it is in theory.  But it is not so simple to implement.  I can tell you first-hand.  For some 14 years I’ve been endeavouring to live the Seven Habits.  And yet, I still sometimes find myself being reactive, acting on my emotions rather than my values.  And I still sometimes go off on a new tangent without really considering the goal of my action.  And I still sometimes waste time on social media, and other things, when I’ve got a to-do list in my head.  Even when you’ve made an intellectual commitment to these vital habits, you can and will still backslide.  So why’s that?

          I think it’s because we humans have a tendency to take the path of least resistance.  It is easy to blow my stack and act on my emotions than to take a deep breath, hold my tongue, sit on my hands to keep myself from typing that annoyed e-mail.  It is harder to wait until my emotions are in check and then act in the way that I know is the better way.  It is easy to just start doing things in a flurry of activity when I feel the urge.  It is harder to step back and consider what I hope, what I plan to get out of the action as a result.  It is easy to sit down and spend an hour or two on Facebook.  It is harder to harness my attention to tasks which are sometimes unpleasant or mundane.  The path of least resistance leads to sloth.  And the temptation to take that path, can be overwhelming.

          That’s why one has to be intentional about these habits.  Just because they are more-or-less self-evident, doesn’t mean that we’ll do them automatically.  It takes effort.  It take commitment.  It takes the resilience to stay on the path when you’re on track, and to move back to it when you stray.

          As I said last night, Rosh Hashanah is not about commemorating some great event.  Yes, our Tradition says that this date is the anniversary of creation.  But everything we read in our mahzor today, every sight and sound of this festival, is geared towards one end.  And that is, the quest for self-improvement.  Because another year has passed, because 5773 has turned into 5774, we are compelled to take a good look inside ourselves.  The message of the shofar is that time waits for no one.  If we don’t get on with business today, when will we?  In the words of Hillel, If not now, when?

          Be Proactive.  Begin with the End in Mind.  Put First Things First.  Three powerful habits to put into our repertoire of good habits.  If we can make these habits part of our lives, then we will achieve Self-mastery.  We will experience Private Victory.  We will move from dependence toward independence.  And that is the first step towards happiness.  Let’s resolve to aim at achieving happiness in the year 5774.  Ken yehi ratzon.