When assigning dates for celebrations of bar and bat mitzvahs, we
always have something in the back of our minds.
How good is the parasha the kid
will get? Of course, the ‘party
line’ is that there are no bad parashiot. How could one say that a piece of Torah is
‘bad’??! All Torah is good! But having said that, some pieces of
Torah are ‘better’ and others. Of
course, this refers to the ease with which the text in question lends itself to
a good understanding by a 13-year-old mind…
But we rabbis also
have our favorite parts of the Torah. If
you would ask me what section of the Torah is my favorite, I would tell you
that it’s the part of Genesis that brings to us the narrative of Joseph. I think that no section of the Torah text
lends itself to as many valuable lessons on the nature of life, family and
relationships than the Joseph story. But
if you ask me what is my absolute favorite parasha,
then I would have to tell you that it’s this week’s portion, Shelach Lecha. That’s because this parasha contains the story of the 12 spies.Of course, the narrative of the spies resonates with me, because I was a spy. As many of you know, I used to work in military intelligence before I got The Call to the rabbinate. So the story of the spies is most personal to me. And the exact nature of the spies’ transgression is also intimately familiar to me. But that’s another sermon for another day.
Rabbi Richard Jacobson was installed last weekend as the new president of the URJ, the Union for Reform Judaism. The URJ is, or course the North American partner of our Australasian UPJ, the Union for Progressive Judaism. At this week’s gathering of the Moetza, the UPJ’s small group of rabbis, we shared a conference call with Rabbi Jacobson. Starting with a talk about this week’s parasha, Rabbi Jacobson suggested a somewhat-different spin on the merit of Joshua bin Nun and Caleb ben Yefuneh, the two spies who alone gained favor with G-d. He suggested that their merit was their ability to see, not so much the Land, but the future. The physical Land of Canaan filled their eyes. But they alone were able to ‘see’ a Land that did not yet exist. They saw a land on which the Israelites, having subdued the Canaanite nations with G-d’s help, were comfortably ensconced and with a thriving country. In other words, they alone among the spies were visionary enough to see past the then-current reality.
Having a vision, and the courage to see that vision through, is what separates the greatest leaders from the rest of us. It is a quality common to those who change the world for the better.
Most of us mere mortals will not change the world significantly for having passed through it. But we can, and should be inspired by those great figures in history. We should work to have vision, to overcome fears, to open our eyes to possibilities. We, too can see the future if we try.
It’s not easy – nobody ever said it was.
Sometimes our ability to see a positive future is hampered by our ability to see a positive past.
Last night at Shabbat evening worship, Clara and I shared with you a celebration of our wedding anniversary. As of this coming week, we are married 20 years. For many in this sanctuary this morning, 20 years of marriage is but a moment in time. We have here in this congregation, couples who have been together 30 years. 40 years. 50 years! Perhaps longer?
Clara and I, after 20 years, have only begun to live out the secrets that you discovered along the way. We’re new at this! But we have allowed you, and couples like you, to teach us your secrets. So we thank you for teaching us through your mentoring and role-modeling. Yes, we’ve learned your secrets. For those of you who are not yet where we are today, I’m going to reveal the secrets now.
Secret Number One: See the positive in the past.
When we make a retrospective for a great person, do we re-air his dirty laundry? Perhaps. All of us are flawed and screw up from time to time. But if we do take note of the negative, we always bracket it in that which is positive. If we dwell on our failures, then we’ve sentenced ourselves to thinking of ourselves as failures. Likewise in marriage. Every marriage has its regrettable moments. But on occasions such as anniversaries, we focus on the happy moments, the sublime moments. If we did not, then we would surely fail in living out Secret Number Two.
And what’s the second secret? See a positive future. Couples that ultimately do not make it, fail to look to a positive future together. If we cannot imagine ourselves happy ten years, 20 years, 30 years from now, then whence the strength to endure the present?
That’s not to say that a happy future is in the cards for every couple. Believe me, there are couples that aught not be married in the first place. Everybody knows such a couple. They’re the ones that, when they tell you they’re splitting up, you breathe a sigh of relief for them! But that’s not most couples, nor is it most divorcing couples. In my years as a chaplain, when many divorcing couples passed through my office, I perceived that most of them faced issues that were not insurmountable. So why can many couples not see that? Most of us have some affinity for drama. At times, this affinity makes us look at a minor, solvable problem and see it as intractable. It’s my experience that we often make the mistake of blowing problems out of proportion. Then, with this big, deal-breaking problem in front of us, we cannot see a viable future. And that is often tragic.
So Clara and I begin our second 20 years together. G-d willing, not our final 20 years! Perhaps our penultimate 20 years. We do so, not with any superhuman abilities. We simply are able to see through the occasional disappointments of the past to see the positive of our lives together. And we are therefore able to envision a positive future. We have no idea what will be the physical realities of our lives 20 years from now, let alone 40 years. We can plan, but the truth is that each day we step off into the great unknown. But we are able to see a positive future, a happy future together. That’s why we smile, laugh and yes, cry as we celebrate our 20 years together.
This ability to envision the future applies to more in life than just marriage. It applies to how hard to study and the risks we take to have a rewarding career. It applies to the way that we rally together – or do not – to make our congregation the best it can be.
Perhaps an ability to envision the future is what set Joshua and Caleb apart from the other ten spies. They had a positive vision. They were able to apply that vision to what they actually saw when they scouted out the Land of Canaan. And what about the rest of us?
When looking at our present, are we able to see our challenges as surmountable? Or do we, like the Ten Spies, see them as giants standing in our way, unconquerable? Can we transcend our difficulties, or do we prefer to wallow in them? Do we focus on the disappointments of the past, or are we able to revel in the bright spots? These are the differences between the Ten Spies on one hand, and Joshua and Caleb on the other. These are the differences between successful people on one hand, and the rest of us on the other. These are the differences between congregations that grow and thrive, and those that wallow in weakness and interpersonal drama. These are the differences between success and marginality in any area of life one can name.
In that sense, the lesson of the spies is not just about the collection of intelligence. It’s not just about planning for a military battle. It’s a lesson that applies to all of us, in our lives. We can apply it to career-planning. To planning how to apply ourselves and succeed in whatever we choose to do. And yes, we can apply it to marriage.
Clara and I have managed to reach the ‘minor’ milestone of 20 years together. With G-d’s help, we will weather the second, and if so blessed the third 20 years together. As we read of the Spies, let’s celebrate the positives in our collective pasts, and envision a positive future.
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