It's been a busy week of packing and various set-backs in the process of getting ready to move; therefore I didn't have a chance to write and post a D'var Torah this past week. Of course, there was also much fodder for thought with the interesting turns of US and Colorado politics; perhaps we'll get to it a bit this coming week, but don't count on it! :-)
In the meantime, I couldn't let Mother's Day get past without offering a bit of Jewish Mother humor; enjoy!
...The Jewish mother took her young son to the beach at Coney Island. As they were standing at the water's edge, a wave came along and swept the boy out into the ocean. The mother became hysterical, then she looked heavenward and began beseeching G-d to return her son.
"I'll be more religious!" she declared. "I'll light candles every Friday night and keep a kosher home!"
A second wave came along and deposited her soggy son at her feet on the sand. She looked at him, then again turned her gaze heavenward.
"He had a hat!" she yelled.
...A Jewish mother in Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She
told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and
second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over the shopping mall.
"Why the shopping mall?" asked the rabbi.
"Then at least I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice a week."
...A Jewish man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
...Mrs. Goldberg, age 75, went to see a gynecologist for the first time in her life. She was asked to step behind a screen and remove her clothes so the doctor could examine her. At some point during the examination, Mrs. Goldberg said, "Excuse me, doctor, can I ask you a question?"
"Certainly," the doctor replied.
"Tell me," she said. "Your mother knows that from this you make a living?"
...A young Jewish Mother walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
" Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!"
" And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
"So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
What if the following people had had Jewish mothers?
Mona Lisa: "This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on the orthodontist?"
Chistopher Columbus: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written!"
Michelangelo: "Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get this junk off the ceiling?"
Napoleon: "All right, if you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!"
Abraham Lincoln: "Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
George Washington: "Next time I catch you throwing money across thePotomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
Thomas Edison: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!"
Paul Revere: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man; midnight is long past your bedtime!"
And then these two, who really did have Jewish mothers:
Albert Einstein: "But it's your senior photograph! Couldn't you have done something about your hair?"
Moses: "That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."
Yes, there's something special about a Jewish mother; she expresses her love by being overly protective, and she teaches derech eretz through sometimes sarcastic, nagging questions. We can laugh at them all day. But at the end of the day, think about the amazing achievements of the Jewish people, and remember that each Jew who made a positive impact on history had a Jewish mother! So...it's Mother's Day! Stand up and be proud, Jewish Mothers!
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